Many times we meet others at a new job or when we are lonely and looking for a new romantic involvement to help us pleasantly pass the time away. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes time to see the true – colors of the individual we have to deal with on a daily basis. In today’s world with all the stresses you have already it is just too inconvenient to see what is really going on and so we choose to ignore it. Sometimes , we ignore the warning signs until it becomes harder to deal with later.
The subtle hints you will see in any relationship with an emotional abuser.
Negative commentary that is personal.
To put it into perspective , all of us know someone who is a bit negative . However, when the individual attacks and insults your accomplishments every time you shine, there is a problem. This is especially true if you have a personal challenge such as a weight issue. If you are successful in your goals, does this person put you down? If so,let them know diplomatically how you feel when they do this, and watch there reaction. If it is a specific thing it may be a jealousy or insecurity issue. If it is everything you do, and you can’t seem to do anything right, this may denote a serious personality issue. In a personal relationship the best you can do for yourself and your self – esteem is end the relationship. You don’t know where it can lead and want to avoid a possible dangerous situation later .
The abusive personality in a professional relationship.
If it is a professional relationship it is more complicated than that. If you work in a small company and this is your boss, unfortunately you may have to swallow it. However, since this is usually a power issue you may have to remember not to react and to make the boss feel like the boss. It may be a little kiss up action that is needed to keep the peace and keep your job. If you work for a larger company with a human resources department then here are your steps to follow. First, make sure you practice covering your behind. Depending on your job responsibilities, make sure you have a clean paper trail. Get a copy of your job description and follow it . Prepare to go to your human resources representative only after you go through the chain of command. If the person in question has no firing authority, then the first person you go to is them. Keep calm , and let them know there is something you need to speak to them about privately. Take them aside and let them know that there comments, make you feel very uncomfortable. Those with an abusive personality will have an attitude of insult or denial. When this happens , it is time to go to the next person in the chain. Provided they are not in the offenders after – work click , you should get some relief. Abusive personalities are usually cowards and will cease the behavior . If not ,then get your ducks in a row and go to human resources.
All and all , I offer advice with no moral judgment. It is extremely hard to come away from a person you are emotionally vested in or a job you are looking at as a career . The key is to hone your ability to see what’s coming and deal with it positively before it’s gone to a destructive and possibly more permanent level.