Tabloids just wouldn’t be tabloids if they didn’t focus on the sloppy love lives of the celebrities therein. With the stinky divorces of both Cynthia Rodriguez and Christie Brinkley, dirty laundry is being aired; and all sorts of surprises are coming out of the woodwork where both cases are concerned. The notion of the scorned Hollywood wife is quite a long-standing one. Where in the past these affairs were kept somewhat hush-hush, today’s media dives head first into all the messy details, sometimes embellishing them as the stories unfold. While infidelity is painful for anyone on the receiving end, it can be particularly excruciating when the entire world decides to shine light upon the seedier aspects of the situation. But there are two things that most scorned Hollywood wives don’t have in common with the rest of the population: fame and fortune. And with those two things comes a whole new multitude of ways of dealing with philandering husbands. Here are a few…
When the flower of romance begins to wilt, some Hollywood husbands go searching for some other “flower” to pollenate. That being said, the wives are often left wondering how they compare to their husbands’ new paramours. Discovering that Mr. Hollywood Actor #944’s attentions have turned to the nanny (or some other trollop) will send a Hollywood housewife straight to the local drive-thru Botox clinic. Yes, getting Botox is now just about as simple as ordering a value meal at McDonald’s, which is great for women who need an instant pick-me-up. Ironically, having a perpetually surprised expression is about as good for the soul as a new pair of silicone “chest bumpers.” And as the saying goes: when the going gets tough, the tough (skin) gets Botox.
Revenge is always sweeter when it’s a private (or sometimes not so private) one. Wives hoping to seek vengeance for their philandering husbands’ ways will sometimes do so with the household gardener. But you may certainly insert any member of Hollywood’s posh staff of personnel in this position (no pun intended.) The poolboy, personal trainer, or even the dog groomer will do just fine. For many celebrity wives, getting even is the best personal justice of all—just as long as said “serviceman” has bulging biceps and an aversion to the paparazzi.
If you are a female Hollywood celebrity who wants to be seen, then all it requires is a quick jaunt to Robertson Boulevard. For those of you who have no clue what significance this street has, it can be explained in one word: shopping. The boutiques and stores (especially celebrity mill, Kitson) lining this infamous street are literally crawling with celebs and paparazzi all clamoring for equal attention. But where scorned wives are concerned, the retail therapy involved on this street is major. The more dalliances the hubbies engage in, the deeper the shopping excursions. Capitalism at its finest? Or the law of supply and demand? Tthe mistress supplies hubby’s entertainment, and wife demands his credit card.
Sometimes plunking down loads of cash for smooth foreheads and Gucci bags just isn’t sufficient to heal the woes caused by Hollywood infidelity. This is when self-medication comes into play. In the City of Angels, shots of Botox are followed up with Xanax, Percoset, Valium, Zoloft, or any other drugs advertised in between the photo spreads in Cosmopolitan magazine. Unfortunately, some women need a little extra boost for their moody blues. Cheating husbands have their vices too (obviously.) But there is nothing more spectacular than a wigged-out, well-dressed Hollywood wife who has Vodka for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and Valium for dinner.
Cynthia Rodriguez, Christie Brinkley, and a host of other wives have proven that one of the most popular remedies for dealing with philandering husbands is divorce. These kinds of divorces are often nothing more than huge financial agreements, with the kids sometimes being treated like pieces of property instead of people. It isn’t always the best option, nor the friendliest. In fact, Hollywood romances often have more attention drawn to them when the marriages end. Still, there is no other foolproof method for getting a husband to stop cheating on you. He still might be diddling the nanny. But at least he won’t be cheating on you.