For those uninitiated to my blog, let me tell you about our 19-year old ADHD son, who we–with weary affection–call Clark Kent, because he thinks he’s Superman inside his four-minute rolling snapshot of the world. I wish I had his re-set button so I’d never think again of past oogies and future deadlines. Clark Kent also pegs out at high-functioning and “Aspergers” on the autism spectrum, which you’d know as soon as you conversed with him. Super genius/super aggressive/super unique :-)

Nearly two years ago, Clark Kent did a poor job parking in a public lot. When he returned to his Tahoe, someone had drawn this homage to his skills on it (DON’T LOOK ETHEL):


In Sharpie. Which he said he couldn’t clean off, although with Clark Kent you can never be sure if he really ever tried. Because if someone doesn’t redirect his attention to it, it ceases to be within his reality. That four minute rolling snapshot of life and all being what it is. As much as it galled us, we could not clean it off for him. ADHD counseling 101. Help them do it, don’t do it for them. So we helped and helped and helped, but he never had it removed.

After a few months of looking at it/helping, awesome parents that we are, we christened it the Dickmobile, which is kind of like the Batmobile, only Bruce Wayne ain’t got nothing on Clark Kent. Hereinafter I shall refer to it more delicately as “the D-mobile.” We thought calling it this to Clark Kent might step up the humiliation factor a notch and get him to clean it.

It didn’t. Oh, Clark Kent. Oh, D-mobile.

The D-mobile is the keeper of mysteries. In it we found a package never mailed with a skirt for return that hadn’t fit my mother-in-law. This solved the mystery of why my card had never been credited the price of said skirt. In the D-mobile we found a mini-blow torch. At first we panicked. We watch TV. We know all the wicked drugs these are used for. Then we realized it was just the one he’d borrowed for a school project from his father Edward last year and never returned. The D-mobile has coughed up lost passports, a whole summer’s worth of undeposited paychecks from lifeguarding, old textbooks, silverware still lodged in molded, unidentifiable food substances, stiff, unwashed underclothing, and–my personal favorite find as the Mom who had staged a “raid” on the contents of the D-mobile one fine spring day–used barrier contraceptive devices. Sadly, disposal of this last-mentioned item must have fallen outside of Clark Kent’s four minute rolling snapshot. Lucky me. But it was oddly comforting at least to know that little Clark Kents weren’t in the offing, at least any time soon.

So here I sit, nearly two years after the parking lot artist rendered the masterpiece on my son’s vehicle. Outside our front window I can see the D-Mobile, its D still emblazoned on the passenger-side door, proudly displayed for our entire elderly, Jewish neighborhood to see. It’s there when Clark Kent goes to work, and it’s there when he drives to classes. It’s even there when he parks at his grandparents’ house. The only place it doesn’t go is inside his perception, as he happily forgets it until the next mention.

I should probably be embarrassed, but, honestly, I think Clark Kent’s rubbing off on me.

That’s all I’ve got.


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13 Responses to Bruce Wayne’s Ain’t Got Nothing on Clark Kent

  1. Eric Hutchins says:

    Oh man I am laughing so hard.

  2. Laura says:

    I am laughing and blushing at the same time. I knew within a second of glancing at the “artwork” what it was supposed to represent, but I think my less worldly daughter would just think someone scribbled on the side of his car. Crossing my fingers for you that the elderly in your neighborhood need new glasses . . . LOL.

    One thing you can take comfort in — Clark Kent will always be his own man, since he obviously doesn’t give a rip about what anyone else thinks! 😀

    • Pamela says:

      That is for sure! It really is appalling. And hilarious. I have held off writing about this for a long time, because I can never decide which of those two wins out 😉

  3. Well, if it’s any comfort, until you described what it was I thought someone had tried to write a word and didn’t finish it.

    • Rebecca Nolen, I have to tell you I just finished “Deadly Thyme” a couple of days ago and I plan to write a review for you (Pamela kindly sent it to my Kindle so I could read it and review it). BUT . . . since I saw your name up there, I had to take a few seconds to say “I LOVED IT.” Seriously. When I read the little snippet, I’d be lying if I said the part about draining his victims’ blood didn’t make me reconsider reading it. I’m a bit of a wienie when it comes to gruesome and gore. BUT . . . you walked the perfect line between “spine tingling chills” and “I’m so freaked out by this book I can’t sleep tonight”. You kept me guessing all the way through as to who Charles really was. I swear there were at least three or four other characters that I thought, at one point or another, might be the villain. From which you can surmise your book is NOT predictable. Well done! And thank you for turning that five page story into such a great read!

  4. Raegan says:

    (I swear that I didn’t misse the point.) Rubbing alcohol usually removes permanent marker. Just FYI.

    • Pamela says:

      LOL, I know. We’ve given him tons of ideas. Theoretically, he thinks they are good ones. We even discussed it again this morning. Still, another day has passed. The D is still there. LOL.

  5. Wow, Laura Jinkins, what a super surprise! Thank you!!! I’m so happy you loved it.

  6. Eric Hutchins says:

    I am still laughing. And it is still on there, even though we have again gone over all of the things that he can do to remove it with him (for the 4382 time).

  7. […] soon as they get them from their employer. Not Clark Kent. He kept them in his (very messy) Tahoe, aka D-Mobile. Eventually, under intense parental pressure, he agreed to deposit them. By that time, they were […]

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