This is the Nail Creek (south side) boat ramp on Lake Somerville. The lake is down 10 feet, and you cannot see water from the south shore. Just thought you'd like to see big time drought.

We had our usual tragi-comedy at Nowheresville this weekend.

You’ll recall that multiple times now we have forgotten keys to the trailer, the gate, and the skid loader.  This time we remembered all our keys, but forgot our suitcase.

{curtsying, blushing} *thank you!*

I made a round trip Saturday morning back to Houston for the bag.  No tickets, clear roads, and a good Audible book, so I shan’t kvetch.

But our collective brain lapse was a sign of things to come.

On Saturday while I was gone, Eric/Bubba-mon opted against the seat belt in the skid loader.  Bad choice.  He bounced up and whacked his head on the steel frame to the ceiling.  Concussion.  Nausea, migraines, and sleepiness ensued.  He turned down Blue Bell Tiramisu ice cream.  He wouldn’t go dancing Saturday night at the Chicken Ranch Dance Hall.  He didn’t even get out of bed until nearly NINE AM on Sunday morning!  He managed to sneak in a long bike ride, but he doesn’t remember most of it.  {He has PROMISED to wear his seat belt from now on.}

Once he was concussion-compromised, the work part of the weekend pretty much ground to a halt.  Except the water pump and shower head broke — it’s always something — and he repaired them.  And by repair them, I mean that when you turned on the water, approximately 10 gallons a second shot out the overflow valve and onto the ground oustide.  Because he’s a rock star, but only a semi-functional rock star.

But then, oh,,,,,,, but then.

We had to make a poo run.

This is what it looks like when a man with a concussion operates the camera. Trust me, that's an armadillo.

The poo run is the bane of Buba-mon’s existence.  It entails transferring the contents of the poo tank into the poo toter, hauling it to the poo dumping station, and making a poo deposit.  Or is that a depoosit?  Whatever it is, with nausea and a migraine, it’s even worse.

First, he emptied the tank into the toter.

“Hey, I think I’m going to open this window, Eric.  The weather is so nice,” I said.

“Uh, probably not a good idea.  I kinda spilled a little when I loaded the toter,” he said, as he re-entered the Quacker trailer after finishing said task.

I took a good sniff of him.  The man spoke the truth. I left the window closed.

So off we drove to Nail Creek State Park at Lake Somerville, where our year round park pass grants us the privilege of utilizing their poo dumping station.  When we got there, Bubba-mon crawled into the back of the Suburban to connect the toter to the dump station.  For those wondering why Bubba-mon was doing all the heavy lifting when he had a concussion, hello, poo is HIS job (see The Redneck Adventures of Bubba-Mon and the Quacker) and only hospital admittance would relieve him of that responsibility.

ANYway, things went well for about, oh, I don’t know, maybe 3 milliseconds?  Then they went something like this:

“F** S*** C*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F***!”  (That was Bubba-mon)

“What’s wrong?” (From me)

“F** S*** C*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F***!” (Bubba-mon again)

“Honey, do you smell a skunk?” (Me again, sniffing, gagging slightly)

“F** S*** C*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F***!”  (Bubba-mon)

“Do you need my help?” (Me, whispering)

“F** S*** C*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F***!” (Yep, Bubba-mon)

“Well, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”  (Me, super helpful and obviously the superior communicator)

In his haze, Eric had lost his grip on the toter and instead of the poo going out the connector hose, it flowed out the back vent and into the bed of our Suburban.  And all over him.  And the water jugs he brought to fill.  It took Eric about half an hour to clean himself, the jugs, and the back of the Suburban,  from which we, blessedly, had removed the carpet only a week before.

On the way back, I drove, windows down, patting the one clean spot on his arm, and cooing soothing noises while breathing through my mouth.  It smelled like we were hauling a family of dead skunks.  It smelled like New Jersey.  Seriously.  Then I pretty much sponge-bathed Eric in rubbing alcohol and slathered him in neosporin after he showered to prevent infection, because, after he worked in the bush on Saturday, he was head-to-toe open wounds.  How embarrassing for me would it be to have to explain to people that he died from an unfortunate poo mishap?

Whew.

Glad that’s over.

So, it’s Monday as I type this, and Eric is at work, but he’s still in a fog.  I think a mid-day lie-down is in the works.  I hope he doesn’t read this before he gets here.

Please raise up a little prayer that this experience knocked some sense into him, not just knocked him senseless.

That’s all I got.  :-)

Buckle up, my friends, and, remember, don’t operate a poo toter when impaired,

Pamelot

p.s. JK New Jersey!  I love you!

p.p.s.  Countdown to building a permanet house with a permanent septic system: 2.5 years.

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37 Responses to That’ll knock some sense into him.

  1. Eric Hutchins says:

    Good to see you back to you semi truthful (meaning semi not :) ) self. But unfortunately this one is closer to the truth then I would like to admit.

  2. Irene says:

    Whoa, maybe Staten Island, but not New Jersey. Why everyone thinks New Jersey is nothing but oil refineries and swamps is a mystery to me. Any stench you smell whilst traveling through The Garden State is probably from Staten Island or New York City.

    I think the best thing for you two to do if something like this happens again is just turn around and head home. Start over the following weekend. Never a dull moment! Maybe a hard hat next time?

    • Pamela says:

      I’ve actually never been in a part of New Jersey that smelled bad, and the parts I’ve visited were beautiful. I take that back. Newark, at least when I was there, was not lovely, nor did it smell rosey. But NJ is easy fodder. It’s like making fun of TEXAS 😉

      Yeah, I think a hard hat to go with his dusk mask, safety glasses, and seat belt. Course, he was supposed to be wearing one anyway. That and a seat belt. Now, he’s earned himself a vigilant supervisor if he wants to keep playing skid loader man.

  3. Heidi Dorey says:

    OMG, you are totally evil.
    The bride of the couples that make you wanna puke sat back
    as her injured husband did all the nasty work.
    I would so be getting a divorce right now if I did that!

    “What’s that, sweetie? You’re bleeding from every orifice? Here, I’ll throw you a rag. Hurry…I’m getting bored.”

    • Pamela says:

      LOL
      I know!
      he is so sweet
      I might have exaggerated my callousness just a tiny bit for effect
      I go by the “mostly true” rule
      I think he would say I took pretty good care of him
      And
      I did not handle the poo, tis true!

  4. Susie says:

    Poor Eric.

    • Pamela says:

      He’s finally starting to feel better. He slept two more hours at lunch. He was still a little loopy today. He informed me that PETER DOESN”T WEAR THE SEATBELT EITHER, and I said Peter is not doing demolition on rough terrain. Peter WOULD wear a seatbelt in Burton. 😉
      Poor Eric.
      He is so susceptible to concussions. And you know he doesn’t like succumbing. To anything!

  5. You guys really need to have a television reality show…..I would have loved to see all of this that transpired over the weekend on TV. That Bubba Man was born to be a star, right?

    Darryl

  6. Eric Hutchins says:

    A septic tank of our very own would truly be a wonderful thing.

  7. I think I might have nightmares of the poo run!

  8. Peter says:

    Sorry but I laughed out loud in the ER, causing all sorts of bad looks from folks who had sick ones here. And I couldn’t explain why!!
    Sometimes I don’t feel all that bad about some of my misadventures!!
    But thank God my wife doesn’t write.

  9. Pamela says:

    if she did, there’d be a story about setting the pastures on fire :)

    eric said, “man, those tires on the skid loader are bouncy” and “but peter doesn’t wear a seat belt!”

    ha

    he feels MUCH better today
    and no poo infections!

  10. Ally says:

    I don’t even do dog poo without gagging, let alone people poo. So my Hubs would have had to handle it, even with a concussion, too. Eric just keeps getting more points in my eyes. That said, I might have gagged a little at the thought of it pouring into the bed of the Suburban… Ack!!

  11. Rebecca Nolen says:

    This is classic Poo history here!

  12. I’d comment but I’m too busy laughing loudly. So typical adventues of Couples That Make You Puke – LITERALLY!

    You guuuys – I’m thinking he wears a helmet biking so why doesn’t he just don that while skidding?

  13. OH! And I have some magic scent spray mentioned on my blog today that you might want to go buy… a case maybe? It’s magic.

  14. Oh gosh that was funny stuff. I always know it’s gonna be good when you and Eric do those Nowheresville trips. Good entertainment for your readers, that is. I’m goad Eric’s ok (concussion, wounds, poo bath and whatever else). Awesome dude! And you Pamela? Well, you’re awesome, too. Someone does have to drive the truck and give the rubbing alcohol baths while providing sympathy and helpful advice as to how the next trip should go…..right? LMAO

  15. Eric Hutchins says:

    Helmet may not be a bad IDEA!

  16. […] very good at compartmentalization and has a high physical and mental pain threshhold.  *sigh* I fear he is not trainable.  Anyway, it was so bad that the specialist stopped the surgery in pre-op, and sent Eric home to […]

  17. […] has started pre-construction for our someday house in […]

  18. Wow. I really don’t know how you two end up in the scrapes you do. Seriously hysterical, I am just shaking my head. You two are the Desi and Luci of the blog world.

    • Pamela says:

      Thanks Julie, we do have a lot of fun together, and we look at the world to find the funny rather than the problems, and the world yields back often great hilarity :)

  19. […] That’ll knock some sense into him. […]

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