There are days when the universe hums along, powered solely by the projection of my heart’s energy. Truly, it does. I can feel it. My heart is that damn happy.
There are days when the world is silent and the sun doesn’t show me its face. If it was me that powered the universe before, it is me that fails it now, and brings the fog, overcast skies, and odd thunderstorm or two.
Ah, the difference between a day when all is right with my husband, versus one where we’ve lost our couples-mojo, temporarily.
Through both kinds of days, I cradle one thought in my hands: “the relationship is the most important thing“.
Why? Because I know how easy it is for me (for you?) to look for someone else to blame for those gloomy days. If you gave me a minute, I could write you a list of negatives about my husband to rival the list of positives, and he about me. We are human. And we know each other very well. I would scan the list and say “YEP, #12! Therefore he is an asshole and this tropical depression is all his fault.” I would feel vindicated and justified, for a moment.
But I won’t do it.
It’s not his fault. I make the choices for me. What to say, how to act, how to REact, even how to think. Definitely what to believe. What to expect. What to DEMAND, of others and myself.
I chose him. I chose to commit to him. So today and everyday, I choose to honor him. I choose never to bitch about him behind his back (and I haven’t, not one time ever, may lightning strike me dead this moment if I’m lying). I choose when to ignore the important truths: he loves me, he wants the best for me, he has bad days and slips from his Prince Charming behaviors but still loves ME, despite my occasional impersonations of the Wicked Witch of the West. When I ignore the truths, when I choose to start my thought process by consulting the list of negatives instead of the list of positives, then the dark “tornado watch” day is no one’s fault but my own.
So here we are, at day 21 of the #30positivedays, and how have I done? How have we done?
I think pretty darn good. Aaaannnnnnddddd we got sideways once this month, not a hurricane but more like one of those water spout twister-y things, and I had to choke out the positive message on twitter like a bone from the throat as did he, without even talking about it at home (which is the fun part), so that kinda doesn’t count, does it?
Except that I believe whole-heartedly that when you do the behavior, the attitude follows. Did I feel a slight warming in my North Pole heart when I read his words? Well, yeah, I did. And that sparked a fire that managed to melt the ice chamber. So he didn’t waste his time, and his positive words…HE CREATED A POSITIVE FEELING ABOUT HIM IN ME. Wow, full circle again. Read the previous posts (here and here) on this topic for more about why I love this challenge.
Instead of giving you my list of “he said/she said” from the last week, I will tell you this:
My guy rocks. He is a blessing beyond compare. I live under sunny skies with a whisper-soft breeze. And, because we care so very much about protecting this love, the forecast looks pretty bright as well. Bonus: this creates a wonderful environment for the rest of the household and those around us, too.
Above: Nice words about us after a tweet-up this week, one where we were told, “You’re like the most famous couple on twitter [slight exaggeration!], and I can’t believe you guys are for real.” Me either But we are. (Click to enlarge, use the back button to return)
See below for guidance and the other participants for the challenge.
Here are the other brave souls joining Nan (of Little Black Dress Diaries) and I in the challenge, daring to buck the popular trend of husband/wife/partner/kid-bashing:
Eric Hutchins: my husband, occasionally blogs here under pressure from me
There are other participants who wish to remain anonymous, as well as people I suspect are participating but afraid to say so. Bwack bwack bwack…that’s my chicken noise for ya.
Wanna play? If so, I’ll add your link to the list. Here are the rules for the sandbox:
Say something nice to and about your partner every day for 30 days. Praise her, encourage him, spotlight her best traits, tell us your favorite things about him. In order for your participation to count, you need to
a) Make your proclamation 100% positive, no BUTS, HOWEVERS, or ON THE OTHER HANDS
b) You can’t ask for anything in return
c) You must make him or her aware of it each day
d) You also have to make sure you make at least one additional person aware of it each day
e) You need to either link to Nan’s or my blog, or send us an email, or comment to us on Twitter (#30positivedays), Facebook, or one of our blogs, so that we know you are participating and we in turn can send positive thoughts your way (the more of that coming at you, the better, I always say)
You may tell them why you are doing it, if they ask. You may do it for more than one person, if you’d like (but Lordy I hope you don’t have more than one partner, or that may defeat the idea of intimacy we are trying to achieve here!!). If you don’t have a partner, per se, you can select someone else important in your life for the challenge, too.