My long lost writer friend Heidi Dorey (where art thou, Heidi, and why has thou not contributed a post of late?  make haste, dear friend, let your pen find it’s way to brightening our days!  or at least to giving me a break/guest post…) bestowed upon me a Yuletide gift of exquisite taste.  Hearken near, and hear of her generosity.

Y’all, she freakin’ gave us ballroom dancing lessons!! How much does that RAWK???

Anyway, we suck, but that’s OK, we loved it so much we bought more.  Or, rather, we pooled my birthday bounty and a bunch of nice people made it possible with their checks and such.

You would think two half Ironman triathletes would find dancing a breeze, but we learned on day one that this dancing shit will wear you O-U-T.  I glowed, and Eric sweated like a pig.  His face was as red as when I write about his speedo, seriously.  An hour of rumba transformed me from Pamelot to Puffalot.

And our instructors are like freakin’ Nazi’s (which I can appreciate, as the family disciplinarian).  They won’t even let us TALK to each other.  Or drop our arms, excuse me, our frame.  Or look at our feet.  Or stop if we mess up.  Or wear street shoes.  It’s like we’re training for the dorky-white-couple dance-Olympics or something.

Our suede-bottomed dancing shoes, aka our "fairy shoes".

So, as you can tell — extreme physical exercise + rigid discipline — it’s totally our type of thing!  We have five more lessons left, and after that they want us to pay like, oh, a mere trifle for 15 more lessons.  A mere trifle as in $1500.00 smackers. Yes, you read that right.  And with me fresh out of birthdays, too.

Five to go…could we become “proficient” in that amount of time?  And by that I don’t mean ready for Dancing With the Stars, but just good enough that Eric doesn’t yell the F*** word on the dance floor (which we learned is perfectly alright with our instructor Austin, who is not really a Nazi and is actually totally awesome, as long as we are safely practicing in their studio) more than once every ten minutes.

So we asked.

OH NO, the studio manager said.  No, we could not make you a social dancer in such a short time.

We gritted our teeth.  Oh yeah, buddy, just watch us.

So we hatched a plan.  Instead of just squeezing in a lesson, we will only go to a lesson if it is adjacent to a FREE (as in totally without monetary cost) group lesson, and we would attend henceforth all the FREE parties the studio throws to addictify its unsuspecting clientele, until we run out of lessons.

Last Friday, we took Liz (17), her boyfriend, Suz (13), and her friend Alex to a FREE sock hop.  {And I wore a poodle skirt, y’all!}  Only no one else was there!  So, instead, they gave us a FREE group lesson.  And then other people showed up, so we had the party after all.  We’d been stuck on waltz, rumba, tango, and swing up until then, but that night we burst out after our FREE salsa lesson into the merengue and cha cha, too.  Hear us roar!   We took turns dancing with Suz and Alice.  Everyone had a grand time.  And guess what?  Eric didn’t say the F*** word a single time.

Armed with our newfound confidence, I jumped onto itunes and for only $45, I bought whole albums of ballroom dancing music.  We put on our little fairy shoes.  We folded our ping pong table and pushed the weight bench and treadmill back in our game room.  We turned on our music and we DANCED.


So.  We’re leaving now for our FREE group lesson and our expensive private lesson.  Ready to milk every drop of knowledge out of these high-priced instructors.   Because come hell or high water, we are going to be socially acceptable dancers when we finish this program.

So there.


p.s.  If you actually met Austin, you would think I was on crack.  He is probably the nicest, funniest guy in the world.  He can’t help it that his boss is the aforementioned Nazi (with too much hair gell) and the cost of their program requires a second mortgage.  We <3 you, Austin.


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34 Responses to I wanna put on my-my-my-my-my boogie shoes. Uh. And boogie with you.

  1. ridgely says:

    Without a doubt- imagining LT in those shoes makes this story for me. You and Eric have such great fun… have you considered writing a script for Lifetime for some extra “dancing classes?”
    Oh, and I know I speak for all readers: WE WANT photos… or better yet, You Tube? Think on the Lifetime gig-

    • Pamela says:

      Eric has finally balked — I am working on him, I want to do video, but so far he forbids photography of any kind. Maybe if everyone begged sweetly? And promised not to laugh at him?? Hrs good. And so cute! And he puts up with my perfectionist pill-like self whilst doing it!

  2. Heidi M says:

    Love your resourcefulness– and good old pig-headed stubborn refusal to fail. 😉 Surely we can get some video of this adventure??? I mean, the talking dog’s got nothing on this.

    Rock on, P!

  3. Eric Hutchins says:

    It is a great, wonderful, fun, intimidating, horrible, perfect, awesome experience. There are so many things to think about right now that messing up is inevitable for me. I hope to get to the point where I can think less and it gets easier. Ugh.

    The thought of video makes my stomach, turn. its bad enough they have all the walls covered in mirrors.

    My main objective has always been to be able to become good enough that i can get on a dance floor at a bar or party or wedding and not embarrass Pamela too badly. The classes have given me hope that I will be able to do that,,,,, someday,,,, many many years from now :).

    If video gets taken I am alright with it somehow ending up in a blog here someday, I just dont want to know its happening. Pamela can tell everyone how bad I am when trying to pose for a picture, it will be ten times worse when trying to “pose” for a video, OF DANCING (cringe)

    • Pamela says:

      Darlin, you are incredibly, totally awesome, and you are doing great. I love dancing with you. And you’ll look EVEN BETTER on youtube…

  4. Heidi Dorey says:

    Ah, I needed that laugh.
    What an adventure.
    It kinda reminds me of the film “Dirty Dancing”.
    Swayze had to work so hard to get Jennifer Grey to
    hold her arms right and look up and don’t invade his space, yada-yada.
    But in the end…they were awesome.

    I love that you included your family.
    That would have made great video.
    What you should get is one of those teeny cameras
    that looks like a button, hook it to your shirt or tube top
    or whatever you wear to class, so you can get Eric’s unguarded responses.
    Eric knows he’s adored no matter what, right?

  5. Ally says:

    Oooh, my secret desire! To look good on the dance floor. I don’t even know the stinking Electric Slide. (Okay, I realize that isn’t too hard, I’ve just never had the chance to learn) Yeah, I’d love to be one of those couples that can get out there and show ’em how it’s done! Good for you two! And good for you for milking every bit of instruction you can! That’s some expensive dancing…

  6. Fairy shoes…..OMG, so cute. I’m sure hoping you have some video for us lurkers…soon! Don’t just give us a slurp and then take away the soup. (wow that was not bad). Ballroom sounds like work but so much fun. I’m a fan of Dancing With the Stars. Who knows, Pamelot, maybe once you’ve reached literary fame (and you will) you will be on the show. Doesn’t hurt to dream big.

  7. Irene says:

    The only dancing my husband EVER did was on our wedding day, and even then he just sort of stood there during our dance.

    No Cinderella nights for me in my future!

    But I love that you got the whole family involved! Great way to spend time together!

  8. Sandy says:

    OMG! You two completely crack me up. Oh, and I love the “fairy shoes”. TJ & I took dance lessons for a bit, but it was me dropping the “F” bombs continually. I don’t like to fail at anything and it was TJ doing well and not me…made me mad as hell. We stopped because it caused me too much stress. Glad to hear you two are sticking it out.

  9. Grace says:

    I vote for a video!

  10. SuzRocks says:

    I want to be a really good dancer- so badly. Once in Ecuador I was taking Salsa lessons, my teacher said to me, “Si, pero con rhythmo.” Which means, “Yes, but with rhythm.”

    Poor me.

    May I suggest, flying to foreign country for vacation and THEN taking some salsa lessons- WAY cheaper!

  11. Pamela says:

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Pamelot’s Mom
    To: Pamelot
    Sent: Tue, Mar 8, 2011 10:52 am
    Subject: Re: Road to Joy: I wanna put on my-my-my-my-my boogie shoes. Uh. And boogie …

    I am glad you are having such fun. I am not making additional comments beause it would embarrass your father!

  12. Pamela says:

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Pamelot’s Dad
    To: Pamelot
    Sent: Tue, Mar 8, 2011 9:16 am
    Subject: Re: Road to Joy: I wanna put on my-my-my-my-my boogie shoes. Uh. And boogie with you.

    Your Mother would love to come dance with you guys!

  13. Ann Brennan says:

    You are such a trip. I love that you are doing this. Blaise would never do this with me because a) I have no rhythm b) I am a klutz and c) he does not dance.

    • Pamela says:

      Strikes 1-3 for y’all! Eric has rhythm as a musician (bass) and I play piano. But neither of us is graceful and we are rather clumsy. But, the rhythm saves us. And I look at dancing as a chance to sing, listen to music and hug. All things I love to do :)

  14. Heidi M says:

    Let’s start the chant: VI-DEEE-O! VI-DEEE-O! VI-DEEE-O! Sorry Eric, you’re such a good sport, I can’t resist! :)

  15. Pamela says:

    Next week, he shall be taped :)

  16. We did ONE lessen before our wedding, then faked it with youtube videos.

    YAY for you!

    And your totally awesome serious dance shoes.

  17. rtcrita says:

    That is some smart thinking there, lady. Squeeze every ounce of learning you can out of that place. DWTS is one of my favorite shows to watch–and it’s starting again real soon!

    I love how you guys always find things to do together and as a family. Such inspiration!

  18. LBDDiaries says:

    How did I miss this post??? I am so wanting proof of all this – where’s the poodle skirt picture?? Where’s the fairy shoes on YOUR feet picture? Where’s the “boy his face is red” pictures? Oh wait, I saw it up there – next week he shall be taped. Wow. He is brave – he’s ‘da man. You guys are so rockin’ I am so proud to e-knew ye.

    • Pamela says:

      Someone suggested I go buy a tiny sports camera that you wear on your body to record your own action (like skiers do). I’m going to check out the $$.

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