Pamela Fagan Hutchins

Holding Nothing Back

Pamela Fagan Hutchins - Holding Nothing Back

Polarity. Because it’s nearly Valentine’s Day, y’all.

It’s officially FEBRUARY.  The month of loooovvveeee.  And that’s exactly why today my thoughts turn to polarity; that or because my super-romantic husband is a chemical engineer.  One or the other.

So, what is polarity and why is it romantic? Now, most of you had to take chemistry at some point in high school or college.  You know this, people — it’s when atoms bond together because of their electrostatic attraction.   Come on, y;all — Covalent bonding?  Ionic bonding?  The whole “oppositely charged ions” thing in chemical compounds?

Polarity = electrostatic attraction.  Just let those words slip over your lips a few times.  Electrostatic attraction.  Electrostatic attraction.  E-lectro-static-a-ttraction.  Sexy words.   Romantic words.

Basically, two atoms that aren’t even aware of each others’ existence cross paths in orbit.  Zing.  They pull a little closer together.  They don’t even need an introduction or a first date.  They orbit closer.  Zing, zing.  Each time, uncontrollably, irresistibly, they come closer.  Finally, irrevocably, they bond.  They literally share electrons; they become one.  These two atoms might not even LIKE each other.  Their bonding might really mess their shiz up in real life.  Other atoms might not understand their attraction.  But they have no choice.  It is fate.

Sometimes, if the atoms are lucky, they DO like each other.  If they are really blessed, they might even love and adore each other and live happily ever after.   And, if so, they better appreciate it, because they could have ended up with an ionic bond to some alcoholic jackass with a compulsive gambling problem who lives with his mother, has a tendency to use his fists, and refuses to shave his back hair.  How bad would that suck?

But just imagine, when the universe gets it right…magic can happen…

Maybe there is a 15-year old male atom out there, growing up in the U.S. Virgin Islands, that sees a blond-haired, blue-eyed, tightly-wound female atom (who would do an Ironman and run marathons with him) in his dreams.  Who moves from the islands to New Mexico, where that girl’s family has bought a home three hours away.  Who walks the same sidelines at Texas Tech University’s football stadium one year later, one month apart.  Who moves to Dallas, where he and the girl work in buildings next to each other.  Who attends a New Year’s Eve celebration in 2000, sitting one table away from her.  Closer, closer.

Maybe there’s a 15-year old female atom out there, 2,000 miles away, that sees a dark-eyed, wild haired, lanky male atom (who would talk her into an Ironman and run marathons with her) in her dreams.  Who moves to the islands from Texas, driven by an inner force she can’t rationalize.  Who meets an overly intense male co-worker that she doesn’t really like at first.  Who sits three feet across a table from him and feels a magnetic pull that terrifies her.  That looks into his eyes and in a flash recognizes the boy from her dreams and sees the same recognition cross his face before he shuts it down.  Closer, closer.

A million orbits have passed since their dreams.  Life went on.  Fission resulted in the production of small atoms, five special, small atoms.  But still, this moment came, inevitably.

Maybe the dreamers are the same two that hold hands and bind Forever in a wind-swept gazebo overlooking Cruz Bay five years and a thousand storms after their eyes first meet.  That whisper about polarity nose to nose while three teenagers are up later than they are supposed to be, thinking the two don’t know they’ve all sneaked back onto Facebook after bedtime.

See what I mean?  Chemistry = romance.

And, so, because it is nearly Valentine’s Day, I write today to celebrate my great fortune that polarity came our way, that the electrostatic attraction between Eric and me resulted in this bond, this amazing partnership.  And to thank Eric for sharing his geeky scientific view of our love, and having the patience to explain the concept to me over and over until I kinda sorta almost understood it.


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  • Eric Hutchins says:

    Is it fate or random chance
    How can I decide
    Are we victims of circumstance
    When destinies collide
    All the odds are against you
    But somehow you make it through
    You can rationalize it away
    But it all comes down to you
    Half our lives we spend waiting
    For the knock upon the door
    When it comes, will it be the one
    That I’ve been waiting for

    Somebody’s out there, somewhere
    Waiting for someone to come their way
    Somebody’s out there, somewhere
    I will somehow be somebody’s someone

    Lyrics from “Somebody’s out there” by Triumph. My favorite song by my favorite band at 15 years old.

    February 1, 2011 at 1:46 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Somehow, you became my somebody. Took you long enough :) It is an endless conundrum to me how the most romantic man in the world could end up a chemical engineer. I love you, honey.

      (Really, I should have just saved this post and given it to you for Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day, Eric.)

      February 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm
  • Eric Hutchins says:

    For those of you that have found it, cherish it, put it on a pedestal and make it shine. For those that are still looking, don’t be in a rush, don’t make something fit that doesn’t. For those that don’t believe, that’s OK too. I hope you find your happiness your way.

    February 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Well said. I think I just fell a little more in love with you. And made my readers vomit by typing it.

      February 1, 2011 at 1:52 pm
  • Eric Hutchins says:

    My middle name is Ralph. Therefor I am.

    February 1, 2011 at 2:19 pm
  • Sandy says:

    Yep, you two are disgustingly in love…but I think it is wonderful. I am grateful to have had that in my life. After I lost TJ I debated about wearing my wedding rings and this is what someone told me about it: “Those rings symbolize your commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. You may not be able to spend the rest of your life with him, but he spent the rest of his life with you.” I still wear my rings. Happy Valentine’s Day to the both of you!
    Sandy recently posted..I Have Been In A Funk

    February 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm
    • Pamela says:

      I am so touched that you still wear your ring. I think that’s wonderful. I know I would still wear it if I lost Eric.

      February 1, 2011 at 2:58 pm
  • Theresa Sonoda says:

    At first, I was enthralled by the hotness of your scientific description of romantic attraction. However, that shortly turned into a big dreamy sigh from the fairytale storyness of it all. I am all about the romance! I so get this. And I’m so very happy you two polarized into blissful oneness. Awesome.

    February 1, 2011 at 4:02 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Eric had to proofread my barely understood scientific description of romantic attraction. It’s all him; interesting how much faith he has in this concept for a scientific guy, altho note he applies science to the issue — he 100% believes in it, as well as in past and future lives, spirits amongst us, and that kind of stuff. Me? No science in my brain; I was flipping over to Wiki, huh, what, blech, blah. But I believe in it tooooooo.

      February 1, 2011 at 4:09 pm
  • LBDDiaries says:

    Destiny – does it exist or not? Alpha Hubby and I met at work in AR. We later learned that when he was in his 20′s, he had a shop in MO next door to a place my 1st cousin worked at. He knew my cousin who still lives in that area. Twenty years later, AH and I meet at work and discover what a really small world it is, after all. What are the odds? Polarity – had to be.
    LBDDiaries recently posted..Luv – Have a Little Faith

    February 2, 2011 at 12:34 am
  • Irene says:

    My electro magnetic atom lives 3600 miles away. It’s THAT strong a pull! He isn’t aware of it yet, but I’m sure he subconsciously feels it.

    Yeah…….ok………it’s been a long winter.

    I will say though there’s enough static electro magnetic atoms in this house that EVERYTHING bonds to you!

    I do love the way you love Eric! You get all giddy when you talk about him! I think that’s cute!!
    Irene recently posted..Don’t You Dare Breathe!

    February 2, 2011 at 6:32 am
  • Pamela says:

    From my joking-around father, whose relationship with my mother is ALMOST as good as Eric’s and mine, and both Eric and I agree we have never seen another couple that loves each other more than they do:

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Pamelot’s Dad
    To: Pamelot
    Sent: Wed, Feb 2, 2011 5:59 am
    Subject: Re: Road to Joy: Polarity. Because it’s nearly Valentine’s Day, y’all.

    I understand the bonding part. It’s the occasional nuclear reaction from your Mother that I don’t.

    In a message dated 2/1/2011 11:23:46 P.M. Central Standard Time, Pamelot writes:

    Road to Joy: Polarity. Because it’s nearly Valentine’s Day, y’all.
    Pamela recently posted..In which I claim sanity thereby proving otherwise

    February 2, 2011 at 7:47 am
  • JennyBean says:

    I’m gonna barf! (Just kidding!)

    February 2, 2011 at 9:21 am
    • Pamela says:

      I have lived in terror of you reading this one, Ms. Bean, knowing this would make you hurl, and that you might hold me responsible for any damage to your laptop.

      February 2, 2011 at 9:22 am
  • Ally says:

    You guys make me feel all sappy and syrupy. ;-) Seriously, my husband and I are soul mates (sole mates? Ha!) and I love this post! And the comments that follow…
    Ally recently posted..Entertainment At My Expense

    February 2, 2011 at 9:53 am
    • Pamela says:

      Ha, “sole” mates. Hopefully he doesn’t have PF, too.

      I love when people REALLY, REALLY love each other. :)

      February 2, 2011 at 10:00 am
  • gene @boutdrz says:

    this is awesome. and no surprise. the comments back and forth between you two are priceless. i am off now to send the link to my wife. our story of polarity is similar, but involves some sort of disruption in the bond over several years, during which we orbited poorly, but came together again after 18 years apart. and i totally understand your Dad’s comment about your Mom’s ‘radioactive isotopes’. very funny and a propos
    gene @boutdrz recently posted..Janathon- sorted

    February 2, 2011 at 9:54 am
    • Pamela says:

      Yay for polarity finally winning out!

      Re radioactive isotopes, I don’t have a chemical analogy for this one, but Eric and I liken it to being like two little “crack babies.” Things are usually so good, it is like being on crack. So when someone takes the crack away, we go into a really ugly detox phase. For short, we call it “taking the crack teddy bear away.” As in, “Eric, why are you taking my crack teddy bear away?” and “Pamela, you are acting like I took your crack teddy bear away.” ;)

      February 2, 2011 at 10:02 am
  • rtcrita says:

    In honor of your undying love for each other, I am going to buy my(single)self a big box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day (Don’t worry, it’s not the first time, and you don’t have to feel sorry for me because I LOVE chocolate and I LOVE having a box all to myself even more!) and think of you two everytime I have a piece. (Unless I’m in a sugar coma from too much “honoring” you guys.)

    Happy Valentine’s Day, you two! So happy to see two people that realize what they have and don’t take it for granted. :)
    rtcrita recently posted..Lion Dance- Celebrating the Asian New Year

    February 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Thanks, Rita. I have two other girlfriends who in the last year told me they now “get it” and found “theirs.” So, in the words of Snow White, some day your prince will come, because you are just too beautiful a soul not to have someone out there whose soul is searching for yours.

      February 2, 2011 at 4:17 pm
  • LBDDiaries says:

    I’m baaaack. Just had to come back and see what other comments were posted. They are as good as the original posts! Fun!
    LBDDiaries recently posted..Luv – Makin’ Whoopee

    February 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm
    • Pamela says:

      It is fun, isn’t it? welcome back!

      February 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm
  • Grace says:

    Wow. Just wow. I love this post, and a huge thanks to Eric for explaining it well enough for you to explain it so that I actually understand. That’s some good work!
    Grace recently posted..Beware of Pricks

    February 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Why thank you, Grace!

      February 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm
  • Eric Hutchins says:

    Thank you Grace its not often that I make sense :).

    February 3, 2011 at 3:41 pm
  • Stephanie Swindell says:

    Pamela, this is my favorite blog you have written so far! I get it!!! I live it!!! It’s an amazing description of that crazy little thing called LOVE!
    Thanks for sharing! I have said it before, but I’m so happy you two have found eachother.
    I get it.
    In so many ways victor is my opposite… Thus the attraction… But in alot of ways we share the same opinions, interests, and thoughts. He gets me and I get him. He is like a piece of me that I didn’t even know was missing until he became a part of my life.
    Now this part is sortof cheesy but I don’t care!…..He is working out of town today, but it’s still been a great valentines day knowing that he really does complete me. :o)
    happy Val day friend!

    February 14, 2011 at 9:26 pm
    • Pamela says:

      I love that you shared the cheesy part, Steph! I think you guys are wonderful together, and I am so happy you have spent your life with him. You deserve each other!

      February 14, 2011 at 9:34 pm
  • Christina says:

    You guys are too cute!

    February 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm
    • Pamela says:

      Danka ‘cones!

      February 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm
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  • Grace says:

    There can be no quantum romance without a few sneaky teenagers. That is the gist of this post, right?

    January 30, 2013 at 9:32 am
    • Pamela says:

      LOL, yes! Exactly :)

      January 30, 2013 at 12:36 pm

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