Sorry Mom and Dad. Eric. Kids. My fans (haha, that made me laugh, I've always wanted to say that).

I really don’t want to talk about it.  I never claimed I was a role model.  All I have to say is that it’s Heidi Dorey’s fault. I’m taking a break from blogging for awhile, pulling myself back together, focusing on my priorities, taking it one day at a time.  I hope you can respect my privacy during this very difficult time.  All further statements will come from my publicist and manager during my “treatment.”


I knew this picture sucked, but I never knew how much until it inspired Heidi to photoshop it into a mug shot.  THANKS A LOT, friend. :-)


p.s. No, Mom, I did not really get arrested.  This was a jooookkkkkkeeeeeeee.

p.p.s. Mom, j.k. = “just kidding”.  Get it?

p.p.p.s. Yeah, well, you wouldn’t look so great either if someone photoshopped even bigger black circles than you already had under your eyes, threw in a little pink eye, and dragged furrows across your forehead  (here’s the original picture).  Oh, and if you think people can’t download your photos off the internet and photoshop them into pornography, think again.  Not that this is pornography.  Or that it has ever happened to me.  But it could, totally.

p.p.p.p.s.  I’m kind of offended, actually, that no one has ever photoshopped me into pornography.  Instead, I inspire mugshots.  Wow.  The ugly truth.

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31 Responses to I’d always heard I was a trainwreck.

  1. Irene says:

    Any mugs of mine that have been photoshopped into porn become horror movies! Funny how spell check doesn’t recognize “photoshopped”..get with times spell check!

    I had an issue with my neighbors dog once. He took off on us, I had to retrieve him from the local SPCA. I made a “wanted” poster of the dog. It was hysterical. My neighbor thought it was real. What a nitwit!

    • Pamela says:

      Isn’t it great that “people are stupid” is re-proven every day. Never lose faith in that theorem, it won’t fail you.

      I made a ransom note of a dog once that kept getting out of his yard and into mine. It was awesome.

  2. Irene says:

    PS. Do I have to add you to my list of train wrecks now?

    • Pamela says:

      Only if I get my own reality show, ha ha, which would never happen because even if I merited a reality show I would refuse to do it. Unless they threw a lot of money at me. Does that make me Kate Gosselin-esque?

      p.s. I wouldn’t do it for any amount of money.

  3. Triplezmom says:

    I think to get photoshopped into pornography you have to have that orange tan thing going. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

  4. Ally says:

    Ha! Who needs enemies with friends like Heidi? JK 😉 Don’t give my blog partner an ideas, mmm-kay?

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by PamelaFaganHutchins, PamelaFaganHutchins. PamelaFaganHutchins said: I’d always heard I was a trainwreck. […]

  6. ZOMG. Hilarious! I’m going to start saying that I’m offended no one has ever Photoshopped my face into pornography. Have a wonderful weekend!!

    • Pamela says:

      I KNOW. What’s wrong with us, Maytina? Why aren’t people photoshopping us into porn all over the place? I mean, I’d be super pissed if they did, but HELLO how offensive that they don’t.

  7. Heidi Dorey says:

    If you wanted me to P/S you into porn, you just had to ask.
    So are you gonna tell us why you were arrested? 😉

  8. LBDDiaries says:

    H – you know why she was arrested – she married a guy who was a girl in a prom dress. It upset her so much that she ate something off the floor that may or may not have been a cashew, and Left Annalise to live in an unheated travel trailer in Nowhereville. She was so envious of your erotic book cover, she attempted to write her own erotic story which was a huge flop so she fell into a deep funk. While in the funk, she felt rather querulous and developed rashes. Because of the monsters in her pantry she thought to look for love in all the right places and reinstate her hubby as #1 in the relationship by informing him he could be her hero, baby. He was so freaked by the rashes he was immediately in her rearview mirror, leaving town for 3 weeks. Because of his desertion, she posted that she was deep into querulous-ess-ness causing the internet to crash because of all the people rushing to bolter her ego telling her “yes you can!” and “get over it” and “you ARE a real boy… oh um, real writer.” By crashing the internet and posting the accompanying querulous picture, she caused the stock market to drop in points and ticked off some very important people. She subsequently learned the guy who was a girl in a prom dress was really undercover and hiding from some very bad children who were scarred by their haunted vacation tour in N’awlins. He went into witness protection and she outed him. That is why she was arrested for interfering with … something. I’ve run out of her blog titles.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  9. It’s a good thing I read the whole thing. I was just about to bake you a cake with a nail file inside. Why? Because that’s what friends do. You’re welcome.

  10. MOM says:

    When I first saw the picture I thought- OMG. The kids have driven her to a “safer place.” Then I knew it was just a joke. And I did know what j.k meant. I am getting much more savy with the tech world of typing- thanks to my grandchildren.

  11. Rebecca Nolen says:

    Pam you’re too funny! It’s all that staying couped up working on stuff that makes you money. Come out and play. There are new dishes to try at Indika. And the French bistro across the street from Indika is wonderful. The waiters aren’t ugly either.

  12. Grace says:

    With friends like that . . . . right?

  13. That’s hilarious! I don’t know which I would be upon finding myself photoshopped into porn – insulted or complimented? Probably a little bit of each, if I’m honest!!

  14. larry Simpson, SR says:

    I am confused, why were you arrested? Uncle Larry

    • Pamela says:

      I was arrested b/c someone mistook me for my mother, ha ha.
      Actually, the picture was taken in my bathroom in my favorite sleepy sheep pajamas but my dear dear friend heidi decided it would make a really good mug shot.
      Ah, friends.

  15. Jenny says:

    I have a picture much worse than that but minus the Houston ID, AND it wasn’t Photoshopped. It was my birthday last year. I looked like I’d come off a 5-day drunk. My friend who took it is a photographer and I told him that I was either looking really bad or he was losing his touch.

    He’s quick. He blamed it on the iPhone.

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