"Us" before a Pink concert. Pink's entire Circus album breaks my heart -- the words of heartbreak when love survives and intimacy doesn't. (Phew, she and her husband pulled it back together)

The “Last Week” or Our #30days Intimacy Challenge

Before you read this post, don’t forget: With every EMAIL subscription to Road to Joy in November, you will receive a free e-book of my (multiple) award winning debut novel, Leaving Annalise.  If you are already a subscriber and want a copy, I’m a softie so please email me: pamela@pamelahutchins.com.  If you are not yet a subscriber, well, don’t just sit there playing with yourself (I swear my father still says this to my brother and me), enter your email over on the right hand column of this screen.  Then forward me your final confirmation or the first Road to Joy email you receive, and I will email you the book.

Thirty days.  Thirty frickin days of real life with dogs with fleas, kids with issues, travel, illness, wrecked cars, work, errands, traffic, and a humdinger of a disagreement.  How do you sustain intimacy for thirty days through all of that, the every day crap that drains the romance out of our souls and the libidos out of our bodies?

You don’t.

I hear you:

“What the hell did she just say?  Isn’t this the woman that challenged us all to attempt this thirty day adventure, and now she says THIS???”

I know.  But you can’t.  Not every minute of every day.

I’m not in it for the short-run, though.  Are you?  The short run is composed of seconds, minutes, hours, at most a few days.  Tiny pieces of our life — important pieces — but not the sum of our life.  Or our relationships.

So here it is folks, one simple rule for keeping the train on the tracks, the intimacy in your relationship over the long run:

DO THE BEHAVIOR AND THE ATTITUDE WILL FOLLOW.

That’s all.  Do the behavior of love, of patience, of forgiveness, of affection…and the attitude of love, patience, forgiveness, and affection will follow, sometime soon.  As will the higher probability that your beloved will do the behavior right back at you.  If you cradle your “injury” in your hands, staring at it, talking to it, caressing it, cherishing it…you’re going to lose a lot more than minutes or hours.

If you put that bad boy down and DO THE BEHAVIOR, in no time at all (when compared to the lifetime you are sharing together), you will kiss and make-up.  Which also can be a behavior to do with an attitude that follows.   And what’s not to love about that?

Happy Day 26, folks.  It’s not 30 days — it’s a lifetime.  :)

For those of you just starting the 30-day Challenge, here’s the poop.

The Deets:  For the next 30 days, every single day, make time for and engage in some kind of physical intimacy with your sweetie.  You may not jump under the sheets every day, but there’s a whole world of fun you can engage in.  Hold hands, Eskimo kiss, gaze into each other’s eyes, etcetera.  And you can’t keep this plan a secret.  You have to ask your partner to participate and commit with you.  You’re going to see more posts from me on this, sharing feedback from others that are participating, feedback on how this impacts their relationships.  I’d appreciate your comments, or you could email me (pamela@pamelahutchins.com) and we could keep your input anonymous.

For other (better) blogs than mine on the challenge:

30 Days — No This is Not All About Sex!

30-days of Intimacy

IC Day Three

30-Day Couples Intimacy Challenge

SEE Them

I Love Your Face

I’m Truly In Love With Him

30 Day Intimacy Challenge Day Four

Find 100 Ways

Is Your Marriage Collecting Dust?

Never Say No

30 Days of Intimacy: The Challenge

Intimacy Challenge Day 7

Looking for Love in All the Right Places

In Which Eric Brings Me Back Something From India

There’s an old flame burning in your eyes.

When Intimacy is Taken Too Far

Pamelot

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20 Responses to Kiss and make-up or die trying.

  1. Heidi Dorey says:

    You two are cute!
    And you set a great example.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sonia Bertek, PamelaFaganHutchins. PamelaFaganHutchins said: Kiss and make-up or die trying. #30days: http://t.co/iGIV1th #intimacy #buthepissesmeoffsometimes […]

  3. LBDDiaries says:

    Yep, that’s the conclusion Alpha Hubby and I came to – this is a lifetime committment. The 30 days (we’re on Day 26 too) intimacy challenge simply showed us where we’d let things drop and how to pick them back up, created some new ways of thinking, renewed the fire, got us to talking about who we are NOW as compared to the hot-on-fire newlywed couple we were (it’s better now), and changed our entire outlook. I am so so so glad we took this challenge – I can’t tell you HOW glad! Even in the middle of overworking and colds, we stayed connected (even tho we may not have “connected” if you know what I mean). This has been one of THE best things we’ve done for US.

    • Pamela says:

      One of the side benefits this challenge blessed me with is that two friends have contacted me privately to tell me that they have found “it.” The challenge was about “it” for Eric and me, but talking about “it” brought other beautiful stories/relationships into my life. I am so happy about that!

  4. I couldn’t have said it better, Pamelot. What an excellent way to put it…you’re right, each day in itself might not be perfect…but the overall path is what’s most important! Congrats!

  5. Wow, just now reading about this 30 day intimacy thingy. Oh boy. Makes me tired just thinking about it. Talking my beloved into this? ACT OF CONGRESS.

    Lifetime, yea that’s more like it.

    Terri

  6. Eric Hutchins says:

    People that say they have, or expect to find, “perfect” relationships where the partners never disagree or no one lets the normal daily struggles of life effect how they treat their partner are kidding themselves. Pamela and I talk about and agree that as much as we would like nirvana its not reasonable to put that much pressure on the relationship. What is reasonable is to expect our best from each other in not wallowing in it, getting through the issue whatever it is and getting back to enjoying our lives together.

  7. Ann Brennan says:

    On the nose. Great post Pamela. That is completely right. Do the behavior and the rest will follow.

    • Pamela says:

      Eric and I both attended leadership training with our old jobs (we worked together — that’s how we met), and this was a big mantra of the trainer. It really never leaves my mind, completely. And you can apply it to just about anything important to you. Training, for example. But especially with relationships.

  8. love seeing that photo of u and Eric—and hoping we’ll get to meet soon!

  9. Pamela says:

    Come to NOLA at Christmas :)

  10. Visiting from SITS – Interesting Challenge

  11. […] husband Eric and I marvel at our blessings. Other times we wish our path through life was a bit less steep and rocky.  While these sound like polar opposites, they are not.  That’s how it is for most of us, […]

  12. […] irrevocably, they bond.  They literally share electrons; they become one.  These two atoms might not even LIKE each other.  Their bonding might really mess their shiz up in real life.  Other atoms might not understand […]

  13. Irene says:

    But I thought that was the whole purpose of fighting…kissing and making up! Because what follows is the whole point, isn’t it?

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